Why Am I Single Assessment Calculator
Understand the reasons behind your relationship status and get actionable insights
Important Notice
This is a self-reflection tool, NOT a diagnostic test. Being single is not a problem that needs fixing—it's simply a relationship status. This assessment is designed to help you understand potential patterns or barriers if you're interested in dating. Remember, being single can be a positive, fulfilling choice, and there's no "right" timeline for relationships.
Self-Reflection Questions
1. How do you feel about making new romantic connections?
2. What do you picture when you think of your ideal partner?
3. Your date cancels at the last minute. You:
4. After a date, what are you most likely to think to yourself?
5. What is your current priority in life?
6. What do you often do in your spare time?
7. Do you miss your last relationship?
8. Someone cute starts flirting with you. You:
9. Do you ask out people that you like?
10. After a breakup, what do you do?
11. Would you settle down right now if you could?
12. Do you feel lonely right now?
Common Reasons People Are Single
You know what you want and won't settle for less
Career and life goals take priority right now
Dating feels overwhelming or nerve-wracking
Still healing from a previous relationship
Finding Happiness While Single
Change Your Perspective
Rather than focusing on what you don't have (like a relationship), think about all the good things in your life—and the perks of being single. It gives you more time to work on yourself and chase your dreams, the space to figure out what you really want in life, and the chance to take it slow while finding the right relationship.
Focus on Your Goals
Forget your frustration with singlehood and give yourself a confidence boost by finding other goals and projects to work on. The goal could be a milestone in your career, a hobby you want to master, or simply making time for self-care in your daily routine.
Spend Time With Friends
Friends can be a valuable source of fun and social support, especially when you're single. Be sure to keep up with them and make plans regularly. You might even ask your friends for dating advice; while you're not obligated to take their advice, it can help to get someone else's perspective.
Meet New People
Meeting new people is a great way to ease yourself into dating again. You don't have to jump right into a long and serious relationship if you aren't ready; just enjoy the experience of making connections. Use dating apps, local meetups, and even your friends' social networks to introduce yourself.
Remember:
- •Being single is not a character flaw—it's just where you're at in life
- •There's no "right" timeline for finding a relationship
- •Use this time to understand what you really want in a partner
- •Self-improvement and dating aren't mutually exclusive
- •The right relationship is worth waiting for
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to be single for a long time?
Yes, absolutely! There's no "normal" timeline for relationships. Some people find partners early, others later in life, and some choose to remain single. What matters is that you're comfortable with your relationship status and not settling for less than you deserve. Extended periods of singlehood can actually be beneficial for personal growth and self-discovery.
How can I tell if I'm being too picky?
You might be too picky if you consistently find reasons to reject potential partners over minor flaws, if you have an extremely long list of requirements, or if no one ever seems "good enough." Try distinguishing between core values (which should be non-negotiable) and preferences (which have flexibility). Remember, no one is perfect, and sometimes the best matches surprise us.
How do I make time for dating when I'm so busy?
If you want a relationship, you need to prioritize it like any other goal. Schedule dating time on your calendar, even if it's just one evening per week. Consider whether you're genuinely too busy or using busyness as a shield against vulnerability. Successful people in all fields find time for relationships—it's about making it a priority.
How do I overcome fear of rejection in dating?
Rejection is a normal part of dating that everyone experiences. Reframe it as "finding the right match" rather than personal failure. Start small with low-pressure social situations, practice self-compassion, and remember that rejection often says more about compatibility than your worth as a person. Consider working with a therapist if anxiety is significantly impacting your dating life.
How long should I wait after a breakup before dating again?
There's no set timeline, but you should wait until you've processed the breakup and can envision a future without your ex. Signs you're ready include: not constantly thinking about your ex, feeling excited about meeting new people, and being able to discuss the relationship without strong emotional reactions. Rushing into dating before healing rarely leads to healthy relationships.
What if I'm happy being single?
That's wonderful! Being single is a valid and fulfilling life choice. Not everyone needs or wants a romantic relationship, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing singlehood. If you're genuinely content and not avoiding relationships out of fear, then embrace your status and enjoy the freedom and independence it brings.
Should I lower my standards to find someone?
Don't lower your core standards (values, respect, compatibility), but be willing to be flexible on preferences (height, job, hobbies). Make sure your standards are about genuine compatibility rather than superficial perfection. The goal isn't to settle, but to be realistic about what truly matters for a healthy, happy relationship.
How can I meet people if I'm shy or introverted?
Try online dating, which allows you to connect at your own pace. Join groups or classes around your interests where conversation flows naturally. Start with small social interactions to build confidence. Remember, many people find shyness endearing, and the right person will appreciate your genuine, thoughtful nature. You don't need to change who you are to find love.
What if all my friends are in relationships and I'm still single?
Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone's relationship timeline is different, and there's no race to partnership. Use this time to invest in yourself and your goals. Your coupled friends can still offer support and companionship. If you're feeling left out, communicate your needs, and remember that being single has its own advantages that your friends might even envy sometimes.
When should I consider talking to a therapist about being single?
Consider therapy if being single is causing significant distress, if you notice patterns of self-sabotage in dating, if past trauma is affecting your ability to connect, or if anxiety/depression is impacting your social life. A therapist can help you understand barriers to relationships, build confidence, process past hurts, and develop healthy relationship skills.