Polyamorous Assessment Calculator
Explore your relationship preferences and orientation
Important Notice
This is a self-reflection tool, NOT a definitive test. Your relationship preferences are personal and may evolve over time. This assessment is designed to help you explore your feelings about different relationship structures. There's no "right" or "wrong" result—both monogamy and polyamory are valid choices. What matters most is finding what works for you and any partners involved, with honesty, consent, and respect.
Assessment Questions
1. What are your thoughts on exclusive relationships?
2. How many people have you crushed on at once?
3. Would you be cool with your partner kissing another person?
4. You've been with your partner exclusively for 6 months now. How are you feeling?
5. Do you think it's possible to romantically love more than one person at a time?
6. Do you feel comfortable discussing non-traditional boundaries with your partner?
7. Do you feel fulfilled by your exclusive partner (or by your last exclusive partner)?
8. What was the worst part of your last exclusive relationship?
9. Do you think you could be romantic with more than one person?
10. What's your biggest priority in a relationship?
Relationship Terms
Multiple consensual romantic relationships simultaneously
Exclusive romantic relationship with one partner
Consensual relationships with multiple partners
Primary partnership open to other connections
Joy from a partner's other relationships
Your partner's other partner
Understanding Polyamory
What Is Polyamory?
Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of all partners involved. It's based on honesty, transparency, and ethical behavior. Unlike cheating, all parties are aware and agreeable to the arrangement. Polyamory emphasizes emotional connections and romantic love with multiple partners.
Key Principles
Successful polyamorous relationships are built on consent, communication, and honesty. All partners must be informed and agree to the non-monogamous structure. Clear boundaries, regular check-ins, and emotional maturity are essential. Many polyamorous people value compersion—feeling joy when their partner experiences happiness with others.
Polyamory vs. Other Relationship Styles
Polyamory differs from open relationships (which focus more on sexual freedom), swinging (recreational sexual activity), and polygamy (multiple marriages, often with unequal power dynamics). Polyamory emphasizes emotional intimacy and equality among all partners, with each relationship valued for its unique connection.
Is Polyamory Right for You?
There's no universal "right" relationship structure. Some people thrive in polyamorous relationships, while others prefer monogamy. Both are valid choices! Consider your communication skills, capacity for managing multiple relationships, feelings about jealousy, and core values. Remember, you can explore your preferences without rushing to label yourself.
Important Reminders:
- •Both polyamory and monogamy are valid relationship choices
- •All relationship structures require consent, communication, and honesty
- •Your preferences may evolve over time, and that's okay
- •Polyamory is not about avoiding commitment or having more sex
- •Ethical non-monogamy requires high emotional intelligence and communication skills
- •You don't need to explore polyamory just because you're curious about it
Frequently Asked Questions
How accurate is the Polyamorous Assessment Calculator?
This is a self-reflection tool designed to help you explore your feelings about different relationship structures, not a scientific diagnostic test. Your preferences are personal and complex, and only you can truly determine what relationship style works best for you. Use these results as a starting point for self-discovery and learning.
What's the difference between polyamory and cheating?
The key difference is consent and honesty. In polyamory, all partners know about and agree to the non-monogamous arrangement. Everyone involved is informed and has consented to the relationship structure. Cheating involves deception, secrecy, and broken agreements. Ethical non-monogamy is built on trust, while cheating destroys it.
Can polyamorous relationships work long-term?
Yes! Like any relationship structure, polyamorous relationships can be successful long-term when built on strong communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries. Success depends on the individuals involved, their commitment to ethical practices, and their ability to navigate complex emotions. Research shows that polyamorous relationships can be just as stable and satisfying as monogamous ones when partners share compatible values.
How do I know if I'm truly polyamorous or just curious?
Curiosity is a natural starting point! Many people are curious about polyamory without necessarily being polyamorous themselves. Consider whether you feel fulfilled in monogamous relationships, whether you experience romantic feelings for multiple people simultaneously, and how you feel about your partner having other romantic relationships. There's no rush to label yourself—exploration and self-discovery are valuable processes regardless of where you land.
What about jealousy in polyamorous relationships?
Jealousy is a natural human emotion that can occur in any relationship structure, including polyamory. The difference is how it's handled. Polyamorous people work to understand the root causes of their jealousy, communicate openly about their feelings, and develop tools to manage these emotions. Some develop "compersion"—the opposite of jealousy, where you feel happy about your partner's joy with others. Jealousy doesn't disappear in polyamory; it's actively addressed.
Can I be in a monogamous relationship and still be polyamorous?
Yes, you can have a polyamorous orientation while choosing to be in a monogamous relationship. Just as someone might be bisexual but in a relationship with one gender, you might feel capable of loving multiple people but choose monogamy for various reasons. What matters is being honest with yourself and any partners about your feelings and making choices that align with your values and circumstances.
How do I talk to my partner about exploring polyamory?
Start with self-reflection to understand your own feelings and motivations. Choose a calm, private time to talk when neither of you is stressed. Be honest, clear, and prepared to listen. Explain your thoughts without pressuring your partner to agree. They may need time to process. Consider reading books or articles together, attending workshops, or talking to a polyamory-friendly therapist. Remember that your partner's comfort and consent are essential—opening a relationship should be a mutual decision.
Is polyamory related to sexual orientation?
Polyamory is a relationship structure or orientation, not a sexual orientation. People of any sexual orientation (straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.) can be polyamorous or monogamous. While there's some overlap in LGBTQ+ and polyamorous communities, they address different aspects of identity—one is about who you're attracted to, the other is about how you structure relationships.
What are common mistakes people make when starting polyamory?
Common mistakes include: opening a relationship to fix existing problems (it won't work), not communicating enough, avoiding difficult conversations, expecting to feel comfortable immediately, not establishing clear boundaries, comparing partners, neglecting existing relationships for new ones, and moving too fast. Success in polyamory requires patience, self-awareness, and continuous communication.
Where can I find polyamorous community and support?
Look for local polyamory meetup groups, online forums (like r/polyamory on Reddit), Facebook groups, and polyamory-specific dating apps. Many cities have polyamory communities that host discussion groups, social events, and educational workshops. Books like "The Ethical Slut," "More Than Two," and "Polysecure" are valuable resources. Consider finding a polyamory-friendly therapist if you want professional guidance.