Am I in a Situationship? Assessment
Find out if you're in relationship limbo
Important Notice
This is a self-reflection tool to help you assess your relationship dynamics. Only you can truly determine what your relationship means to you. This assessment is designed to provide insight and help you think critically about your situation, not to make definitive judgments about your relationship.
Assessment Questions
1. If someone were to ask you if you're single right now, what would you say?
2. Do you feel confused about what the relationship is, or worry about defining the relationship?
3. Do you ever talk about the future with each other?
4. Have you met their friends or family? And have they met yours?
5. Do either of you also see other people?
6. How long have you been seeing each other?
7. How often do you see them?
8. Is your relationship more physical or emotional?
9. Do you go to events together, like parties, weddings, or other important celebrations?
10. Are you still on dating apps?
11. Do you post about each other on social media?
12. Have they ever said they wanted a serious relationship?
Signs You're in a Situationship
- ⚠️No clear label on the relationship
- ⚠️Unsure if you're still single
- ⚠️Inconsistent communication
- ⚠️Haven't met each other's families
- ⚠️No discussion about the future
- ⚠️They say they're not looking for anything serious
Understanding Situationships
What Is a Situationship?
A situationship is an undefined romantic relationship—you're more than friends, but you're not officially dating or in a committed partnership. It's the "gray area" where you haven't put labels on things, don't know if you're exclusive, and aren't sure where the relationship is headed. Think of it as relationship purgatory.
Why Do Situationships Happen?
Situationships often occur when one or both people are afraid of commitment, unsure of what they want, enjoying the freedom of being undefined, or avoiding difficult conversations. Sometimes they start as something casual and simply never evolve. Other times, one person wants more while the other prefers to keep things ambiguous.
The Problems with Situationships
While some people enjoy the freedom of a situationship, they can be emotionally draining and confusing. The lack of clarity can prevent emotional intimacy, create anxiety about where you stand, and waste time you could spend finding a committed relationship. If you want commitment and your partner doesn't, the mismatch in expectations can be painful.
How to Address a Situationship
The best way to handle a situationship is through honest communication. Have "the talk" about what you both want, whether you're exclusive, and where this is heading. Be prepared for any answer, and decide whether you can accept it. If they're not willing to commit and you want commitment, it may be time to move on and find someone who will give you what you need.
Key Takeaways:
- •You deserve clarity and commitment in your relationships
- •Communication is essential—have the "what are we?" conversation
- •It's okay to walk away if your needs aren't being met
- •Situationships can work if both people are genuinely happy with the ambiguity
- •Don't settle for less than you deserve—there are people who will commit
Frequently Asked Questions
How accurate is this situationship assessment?
This assessment is designed to help you reflect on common situationship patterns and dynamics. While it can provide valuable insight, only you can truly determine what your relationship means to you. Use this as a starting point for self-reflection and conversation with your partner, not as a definitive diagnosis.
What's the difference between a situationship and a casual relationship?
In a casual relationship, both people typically understand and agree on what it is—casual, non-committed, and possibly non-exclusive. In a situationship, at least one person (often both) is confused about the relationship's status. There's ambiguity and lack of communication about what you are to each other, which is the defining feature of a situationship.
Can a situationship turn into a real relationship?
Yes, absolutely! Some situationships evolve into committed relationships once both people are ready and willing to define things. However, this requires honest communication about what you both want and a mutual decision to commit. If one person keeps avoiding labels or commitment despite your conversations, it's less likely to change.
How long do situationships usually last?
Situationships can last anywhere from a few weeks to several years. The longer they go on without definition, the more problematic they tend to become. If you've been in a situationship for 6+ months without any movement toward commitment or clarity, it's likely time to have a serious conversation about where things are headed.
Should I end my situationship?
That depends on what you want and whether your needs are being met. If you're genuinely happy with the ambiguity and both people are on the same page, you can continue. However, if you want commitment and they're not willing to provide it, or if the uncertainty is causing you anxiety and pain, it's probably time to move on. You deserve someone who will commit to you.
How do I have "the talk" about defining the relationship?
Choose a calm, private moment when you're both in a good mood. Be direct but gentle: "I really care about you and enjoy our time together, but I'm not sure what this relationship is. I'd like to talk about where we stand and what we're both looking for." Ask clear questions about exclusivity, commitment, and the future. Be prepared for any answer and decide how you'll respond.
What if they say they don't want to label things?
This is often a red flag that they're not interested in commitment. Ask yourself why labels matter to you and communicate that. If you need the security and clarity of a defined relationship and they refuse to provide it, you may not be compatible. Don't waste time hoping they'll change—decide whether you can accept the situation as it is or if you need to move on.
Are situationships always unhealthy?
Not necessarily. If both people genuinely prefer keeping things undefined, are honest about seeing other people (if applicable), and neither feels confused or anxious, it can work. The problem arises when there's a mismatch in expectations, lack of communication, or when one person wants more than the other is willing to give. Healthy situationships require clear communication even without labels.
How do I get over a situationship?
Ending a situationship can be just as painful as ending a defined relationship. Give yourself permission to grieve, cut contact if necessary, lean on friends and family, focus on self-care, and remember why you ended it. The ambiguity that defined the situationship doesn't make your feelings any less real or valid. Take time to heal before jumping into something new.
What boundaries should I set in a situationship?
Even without labels, boundaries are crucial. Discuss and agree on: Are you exclusive or seeing other people? How often do you communicate? Do you share details about your lives with each other? Will you attend events together? How public is your connection? Clear boundaries provide some structure and prevent misunderstandings, even in undefined relationships.